Home

I never wanted to make home elsewhere. In another continent, never ever.

Every waking moment I wish to be home. Every sunset and sunrise I visualize how it would be, back home. If only someone could see through and hear my heart, how it throbs every minute with this desire to be with my clan. My people. My land.

Every tangible need there is, has been fulfilled. All that remains are those intangible yet basic desires that define life. Yet, here we are, several thousand miles away looking to build a future of material wealth. Life is fragile, what lives past the material are those that cannot be put a value. Relationships. Moments of celebration. Moments of grief. Seeing the next generation bonding. Leaving them a sense of family. A sense of community.

Ever since I remember myself thinking of my life, how I wanted it to be, I always wanted to be around my people. I wanted not much for myself in terms of material. I was never ambitious. When people asked me for my ambition I would say I wanted to be happy and to be able to help people around me. Deep from within, there has always been this desire to help people. Help underprivileged people. To teach them, to make their lives better somehow.

Corporate career was never in my mind. It just happened. I think it is a blessing because I never aimed for it or prepared for it. But I landed it, and it has served me well. However, by my plan, I should have been out of it for years now. And I lack the motivation to grow in it because it does not have my heart. I tread through my career like a robot. I follow instructions, I complete my tasks. I leave not much for someone else to complain.

Many people in this world would die to have this life I am living. When I say my life is a blessing, I mean every syllable of it. For many this life is a life of their dreams. Also I hear some people refer to my life as the realization of an American dream. What they don’t understand is how different this is from the dream I once had for my life. There however is one or two points of convergence between my dream and my current reality.

My mind, heart and soul is in a constant state of turmoil. Should I seek for myself or settle for what is in hand?  To seek or to settle. Seek or Settle?